My Grievance with Children’s Movie Trailers

June 9, 2011July 4, 2013 C.P.Leave a comment

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(Originally posted June 9, 2011 on rammfan518.wordpress.com)

I was in Target today, trying to find those little hooks you put in the ceiling from which to hang things. I don’t even know if they even have them there, and it really doesn’t matter anyway because once I stumbled into the entertainment section, I forgot about them completely.

I don’t know if you have been in a Target recently, but I go often enough to notice they play the same five trailers in their entertainment department over and over (and over and over. . .and over). To my dismay, these were all advertisements for children’s movies. Don’t get me wrong, children are a huge percentage of the human population and just because I’m a twenty-three year old who is pessimistic and likes “scary” metal doesn’t mean I should hate on the movies that are marketed to them. But. . .I’m going to anyway.

Here are my grievances with you, children’s movie trailers!

Songs Used in Trailers

While looking for “Kung Fu Panda” (an excellent kid’s movie), I couldn’t help but hear the trailer for the film “Alpha and Omega”, which to my understanding is a wolf-ified version of “Romeo and Juliet”. Now while the film might be good and give a good message to kids, I groaned at the usage of Duran Duran’s 1982 hit, “Hungry like the wolf”. I mean. . .I know the movie’s about wolves. . .but . . .really? Just because it’s about wolves, you have to have a popular song that mentions wolves? That song’s about stalking, isn’t it? I’m confused.

Another example where this sort of “song/title/plot” association happens is in the trailer for 2009’s “Marmaduke”, about some dumb dog who moves to the OC with his cat friend. This trailer not only features one song about California, but two. One of them is the OC Theme song, the one with the guy moaning “Califorrrniaaaaaa”. Alright, I get it. The dog mentioned California. . . so we need a song about California. But wait, we need another song about California. Now, the trailer-makers could have chosen any other song about California: “California Dreamin'”, “Hotel California” or every single fucking Red Hot Chili Peppers song. The one they decided to go with was 2PAC’s “California Love”. Wait, what? Is Marmaduke moving to same neighborhood where “pimps be on a mission for them greens”? Or where “lean mean money making machines servin’ fiends” do their thing? Maybe just to California where “hoochies” are just “screamin'”. Just seems kind of dumb.

I love the Kung Fu Panda movies. They’re well-written, well-structured, have good messages about a myriad of things, are beautiful to look at. But dude, yes. . .it’s a Kung Fu movie. . .do you have to have “Kung Fu Fighting” in the trailer? Like. . .we already know it’s about Kung Fu. . .

So, based on this principle, if I made a movie about a bear, would I have to use a song about bear in the trailer? Would I have to use the Descendents song “I want to be a bear”? Or how about a movie about Vultures with Wesley Willis’ “Vultures Ate My Dead Ass Up”? Seriously, trailer makers, get a little creative.

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Stupid Puns

Look, I know I’m twenty-three and not the right target audience for these movies, but jesus. For a prime example of this, refer to the image below:

Get it? Hairy? Because they’re animals! Cats and Dogs did this again with a poster for their next film in the franchise:

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Purr-fect! LOL! Fuck me. I mean, seriously. Quit HORSE-ing around! He’s fighting with a PORPOISE! Things are going to get FURRY! He’s BARKING mad. It’ll make you BATTY!

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Knock it off. Just fucking knock it off.

People Falling

I don’t know what it is about the kid-movie world, but is everyone 1) always surprised and 2) in such a surprise that they have to fall over? I don’t remember the last time I was so surprised I fell down. Who the fuck does that?

The Marmaduke trailer I mentioned earlier has at least two instances of this. Marmaduke was running into William H. Macy, causing him to flip over a billion times and crash on his face. This didn’t happen just once, but twice. Later in the trailer, Marmaduke’s cat friend said some witty thing (because cats are smart and witty and not stupid like dogs), and Marmaduke sent him flying in some sort of recliner that launches people. (Yea. . .I don’t know why anyone would even have that.) Is that funny? Oh, it is? Really?

This trailer below, has EVERYTHING I have mentioned. The film is called “Furry Vengeance” and stars Rick O’Connel after his Mummy-slaying days. Not only does it have a popluar song that sort of relates to the plot, but it also has a pun and people falling. THREE TIMES. Once on a treadmill, once out of bed for no reason, and third, in and outhouse of tree. I don’t get it, but then again, I’m not seven, so whatever.

The narrator or titles spelling it out for you

I guess you could say that all movie trailers do this to a certain extent, but holy crap, do kid’s movies really shove it in your face. For example, in the trailer for “Happiness is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown”, a movie about people making fun of Linus for his blanket, the narrator says “but sometimes growing up means standing up for what makes you happy.” Spoiler alert! Why do I even need to see this movie anymore?

In the trailer for the modern take on “Beauty and the Beast”, “Beastly”, the titles say “This Summer. It’s what’s underneath.” I really thought it was going to continue on to say “It’s what’s underneath that counts” or “It’s what’s underneath that matters”, but it just stops there. “It’s what’s underneath.” While this doesn’t seem like a complete sentence, it does a good job of giving us the THEME OF THE DAMN MOVIE. Once again, why do we even need to see it now?

To me, a good trailer presents a problem, then asks a “can our hero make it out of the jam?” question. Then you’re like “I wanna see that!” to see if they get out of the jam or not. The theme is learned at the end of seeing the film. See? Let’s say you watch “Beastly”. Afterwards, if you’d been paying attention, you might say “Oh. . .maybe it’s really about what’s underneath the surface! I get it!” and then continue to be a superficial asshole for the remainder of your days.

What if someone gave you a trailer for Little Red Hen, and in it they said “sometimes, you have to work for what you earn.” Wouldn’t you rather just learn that on your own while watching the movie? Or what if someone told you the moral to an Aesop fable before they started telling it to you? I dunno about you, but I’d be mad. (REALLY MAD!)

Conclusion

To stress my point, look at three great children’s movies, “The Wizard of Oz”, “The Lion King”, or “Beauty and the Beast”. How many fart jokes are in “The Wizard of Oz”? How many times do people fall over for no reason in “The Lion King?” Maybe once or twice? Did “Beauty and the Beast” trailer have the song “Beast of Burden” by the Rolling Stones? No. It didn’t.

I guess what I’ve realized over the course of writing this is that movies like the ones mentioned above are good MOVIES, not just good kid movies. Perhaps this is why “The Wizard of Oz” just had a 70th Anniversary release. You think “Furry Vengeance” is going to have one in 2080? How many people are going to show “G Force” to their kids? Let alone remember it?

Now, I’m in a weird place. On one hand, I have written this whole entire thing, telling you why I hate these previews and these movies. On the other hand, can I really hate on something that is making children laugh? Not really. I guess what I come away with is that while dumb kids movies will make kids laugh now, good children’s movies (like “Wizard of Oz” and such) will children laugh for years to come. So yea. . .I still need to find those hooks.

In Defense of Lady Gaga, “Born this Way”, and artistic inspiration

May 10, 2011December 29, 2013 C.P.Leave a comment

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***This article contains a lot of Youtube links, I would recommend loading them up on Youtube so you’re not loading many at once and slowing down your connection and computer. Maybe I just have a slow computer, I don’t know, but I thought I’d give you the head’s up. ~Sincerely, Rammfan518***

I don’t know if I’ve ever got into this on the blog, but I a fan of Lady Gaga. Not a huge fan, but about as big a fan a metalhead can get. While I am destined to get tons of shit for this from devout metallers and haters of “gay” music, you can’t deny that Gaga is a damn talented singer, songwriter, pianist, and stage performer. I mean, I think we can all appreciate her extravagant and complex live shows. And in an industry where popstars lip-sync songs that were written for them, it’s nice to see an artist who legitimately sings song she has written or co-written.

Alright, so now that my short little Gaga praise is over, let me get to the issue at hand. My friend sent me a link to Gaga’s newest song “Born this Way” a couple months ago. I like the song; it has a good dance beat, some fun singing part, and a nice little message for all those who feel lame. I had never heard Madonna’s “Express Yourself”, but he said “Born This Way” reminded him of it. The two songs are down below for your listening pleasure:

Born This Way:

Express Yourself:

Originally, I didn’t think they sounded all too similar. I went back to my life of pasta cooking, scriptwriting, and wine drinking. While in line for a show’s studio audience, I was eavesdropping on some people talking about “Born this Way” and one said “I don’t like it, it sounds too much like ‘Express Yourself'”. After the taping, I came home and listened to the two songs again. It’s been a couple weeks since then and I can honestly say that I still don’t think they sound similar.

I mean, sure, they are similar. They’re both pop songs that might have similar tempo and song structure, but it’s absolutely daft to call “Born this Way” a rip-off. They don’t even sound the same!

Britney Spears was accused of stealing recently as well. In her new song “Hold it against me”, she uses the line “If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?” The Bellamy Brothers claimed this was a rip off of their 1979 song titled “If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?” and went through all this stuff saying they felt a little ripped off. A little ripped off? I don’t know about you but I always heard this a cheesy pick up line: “Hey, if I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” What do the Bellamy Brothers expect? Did they make up this pick-up line? Can you copyright a pick-up line? Can you blame someone for writing a song thirty-two years later that has the same pun?

While we’re on the subject of similar song titles, do you know how many freaking German bands have a song called “Ohne Dich” (which translates to the sorrowful “without you”)? Just on a quick Youtube search I found there are songs titled such from the following bands: Rammstein, Selig, Eisbrecher, Zeraphine, Blutengel, Staubkind, Daygun, Christina Stürmer, Hirbod ft. Cecco, and die Arzte. Looking up just a random song title “I miss you”, there’s a song from Blink 182, Aaliyah, Miley Cryrus, Basshunter, Incubus, Avril Lavigne, Klymaxx, Harold Melvin And The Bluenotes, Simple Plan, and Aaron Hall. (Rolling Stones decided to be original and title their song “Miss You”). So see?

Anyway, back to Gaga. Her next single “Judas” came under fire as well, mostly from Christian killjoys, but also from fans of the dance-pop singer Lori Lux, who claimed “Judas” is a huge rip-off of her song “Wannabe”. Here are the two songs below:

Judas

Loli Lux – Wannabe

Sure, both songs have that “doo-doo-do-do-dododo” thing going on, but can we really call Judas a rip-off? I guess Lori Lux was upset because “Judas” uses the same “hook” as her song. While the hooks are the same, NOTHING ELSE about them is similar in the slightest. I get it, but come on. “Judas” reminded me mostly of the songs from Chumbawumba’s “Tubthumping” album, curiously enough and this song “Mary, Mary”:

Mary, Mary

Now that I think about it, “Wannabe” sounds a little “Mary, Mary” as well! Let’s not also forget that we can claim the techno-y bridge of “Judas” being similar to that club song at the beginning of the film “Blade.” It’s VERY similar, but if you say people can’t make “ripped off” music, then there can be no new music ever again.

Here is another example of Lady Gaga emulating another band’s style (yes, emulating).

Eh, Eh (Nothing Else to Say)

Ace of Base – Don’t turn around

For those of you who only think it’s pop music being emulated or “ripped off” around the world, take a look at some of these similar-sounding songs.

The Cure and Wir Sind Helden

If you don’t know who The Cure is, you have either never gone outside or made a break-up mixed tape. Wir Sind Helden is a German pop band. You can’t deny that these songs sound similar, but did Wir Sind Helden reißen The Cure auf?

The Cure – “Just Like Heaven”

Wir Sind Helden – “The Geek(Shall Inherit)”

Rammstein and Ruoska

Rammstein, in addition to being the best band in the world, is a German industrial metal band, who kind of paved the way for machiney-metal in the late nineties and have continued to be metal giants in the past decade. Ruoska is a small Finnish industrial band. These songs have similar riffs, but did Ruoska rip off Rammstein?

Laichzeit

Ruoska – Alasin

Finntoll and Svartby

Finntroll just also happens to be one of the best bands in the world and is one of the big bands in the whole “folk metal” genre scene (if there is a scene). They have no doubt influenced an innumerable amount of other folk wanting to make metal with flutes and accordions. One such band from Russia, Svartby, is obviously highly influenced by Finntroll (even choosing to sing is Swedish), but did Svartby rip off Finntroll’s “Skogens Hämnd” with their song “Flygt Över Somnigt Land?”

Finntroll – Skogens Hämnd

Svartby – Flygt Över Somnigt Land

When does flattering imitation become rip-off? And where’s the cut off?

Tom Petty and Red Hot Chili Peppers and Blur:

Now let’s take a look at this one. Tom Petty is an old singer guitarist who, in 1993, came out with the catchy tune “Last Dance with Mary Jane”. Blur, the guys who sing the “woo hoo!” song, came out with their song “Country House” in 1995. In 2005, The Red Hot Chili Peppers released the album “Stadium Arcadium” (a name I’ve always hated for some reason) that featured the song “Dani California”. Listen to the openings of all three songs.

Tom Petty – Last Dance with Mary Jane

Blur – Country House

Red Hot Chili Peppers – Dani California

See? This sort of thing happens a lot.

In Conclusion:

I definitely would not call myself a musician, but I have been known by some to make my own music. When I started messing around with Guitar Pro and a bright yellow and green children’s keyboard back in 2008, I didn’t know where to start. I don’t think anyone who starts something creative does. So what do you do? You imitate the bands you’re familiar with.

I’m not going to lie and say that some of my first songs weren’t desperate attempts to be someone else’s songs. Turisas’ “One More” opens with a minute-long violin intro, followed by a nice drum beat with some guitar. My song “Hei” tried to do the same thing. Yet this is “stealing”. When making little metal songs in my room, I would say “Oh, alright, this is how a Rammstein song is structured” and then observe, re-do, and eventually learn how music works. So yea, my song might have a riff, then a verse, then a riff like many of Rammstein’s early songs, but these songs of mine aren’t rip-offs, and even Rammstein and Turisas had to get inspiration from some other band to start them off.

It happens with everything creative. It’s no different than a movie director using a shot that they saw in someone else’s movie, or a writer writing in the same style as their favorite author. Why do you think so many young filmmakers make Star Wars fan films? And those kids that made a shot-for-shot remake of “Raiders of the Lost Ark”? Everyone borrows and steals from everyone else.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are some instances when songs or song-parts are stolen (I’m looking at you, Vanilla Ice), but for the most part, there is no way in hell (the one we’re all going to after listening to Judas, apparently) you could monitor all this music and make sure it’s rip-off or influence-free. Everything, EVERYTHING, comes from something else. Star Wars was a mix of Flash Gordon and Kurosawa’s “The Hidden Fortress”. The Lord of the Rings novels were a mix of Norse sagas and Tolkien’s own invented languages. And even Tolkien’s languages were based off Finnish and Welsh! “Lion King” borrows from “Hamlet”, which is believe to be inspired by earlier legends of kings and sons such as “Hrólfs saga kraka” and the story of Brutus.

For those of you who are still skeptical, just watch the video below to learn that there really is nothing new under the sun:

Thanks for reading and happy listening.

SUCKer Punch Review/Rant

April 5, 2011December 29, 2013 C.P.Leave a comment

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***Originally posted April 4, 2011 on my old blog.***

***This article contains spoilers. If you are wary of these, I suggest seeing the film first before reading. I suggest drinking a bottle of wine before reading as well, but hey, whatever. ~ Sincerely, Rammfan518***

It’s April, which means it’s Scriptfrenzy, which means I should be trying to write a 100 page script in 30 days, and have no fucking idea why I am typing this stupid review instead of working on my screenplay. Oh well, who cares?

Before I dive into talking about Sucker Punch, let’s just talk a little about Zack Synder and why I LOVED this guy. His directorial debut, the 2004 remake of “Dawn of the Dead”, was amazing. At a time when zombies WEREN’T EVERYWHERE and the weren’t the COMEDIC DEVICE USED FOR EVERYTHING, I thought it was a pretty original and sweet. I even considered it my favorite zombie film of all time before I saw Tommy Wirkola’s “Død snø (Dead Snow)” and it blew my sokker off. Anyway, I still love 2004’s “Dawn of the Dead”, but I was excited for his next film even more.

If you read this blog regularly (which I’m pretty sure you don’t), you know I have had a long, loving relationship with the film “300”. In this article, I am stoked about it, in this one, I give a glaring review, and in this one, I get pissed at people who get pissed at it. Looking back some four years or so, I still think “300” is fucking baller. The imagery. . .man! So badass! The story. . something SIMPLE IN A TIME OF OVERCOMPLICATED PLOTS! I love “300”, and at this point, I was thinking Mr. Snyder just might be one of my favorite new directors.

Then he made “Watchmen”. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t HATE “Watchmen”, I just didn’t really like it. I’m not a huge comic book fan, nor was I a huge fan of the graphic novel when I was given the opportunity to read it after seeing the film. I don’t really like politics, either, and Watchmen was about politics and superheroes and what the fuck was that thing on Mars? And that fucking blue guy talking all stupid all the time?

Alright, so maybe I didn’t really like Watchmen (all 75, 000 hours of it). I did like Rorschach and his two best lines: “Men get arrested. Dogs get put down!” and “None of you seem to understand. I’m not locked in here with you. You’re locked in here with ME!” Awesome stuff, but the rest was MEHHHHH.

Alright, so even though I didn’t like “Watchmen” hardly at all, I didn’t cast away Blake Snyder and was still looking forward to his next project. I heard about “Sucker Punch” a while back, and when seeing the posters of some girls shooting shit, I thought “alright, cool.” It looked like a Zack Snyder movie and looked very stylish, and knowing that it was his original idea was even more interesting. Alright, cool!

And then I saw the movie. . .

“Sucker Punch” takes place in 194. . .uh. . .something and is about a girl who. . .uh. . .alright, let me try this again. Sometime in the 40s, this girl Babydoll is. . .damn it, let me look up the synopsis for this shit. (. . .) Alright, so I guess it actually takes place in the 1960s (whatever), and in the beginning, the main character, Baby Doll, is committed to a mental institution after an incident involving I think rape and murder. Babydoll’s stepfather bribes the BAD GUY WITH THE MUSTACHE to lobotomize her so she can’t spill the beans about what really happened or claim her deceased mother’s fortune (or something). Alright, some deceit goin’ on here, alright, cool. . .

The lobotomy guy is coming in five days, and in those five days, Baby Doll slips into a fantasy world where she is a new ho coming in to a brothel (wait, what?). Hank’s lawyer from Californication: Season 4 is their dancing instructor Madam Gorski and has a Russian(?) accent. Baby Doll meets four other females at this brothel and is told that her virginity will be sold to someone known as the “High Roller” at the end of the week.

Madam Gorski makes Baby Doll do an erotic dance, and when she does, she escapes to a fantasy world, arriving in a snowy, feudal Japan. It is here that she meets an old dude who tells her she can escape if she gets five items: a map, fire, a knife, something I can’t remember, and the last one is unknown, but will have to be a sacrifice (IT’S BABYDOLL, DUH!). After learning this, she fights three big Samurai guys for no reason (and in slow-motion!) and then. . .she’s back in the dance studio in the imaginary brothel. So. . .every time she dances, she goes into some fantasy world. . .ok. . .I get it.

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Baby Doll tells her brothel-friends to join in on the quest for these objects, and they promptly all agree to help out. So. . the girls set out to get the other items, and each time Baby Doll’s dances are the gateway to whatever fantasy land they have to inhabit. This part is, well, it’s not really that cool, but I mean, to get the fire, they have to cut a baby dragon’s throat and take the crystals within, to get the map, they have to . . fight Nazis? and to get the knife they have to. . defuse a bomb on a train? Alright, well, the fire one makes sense I guess.

So anyway, the girls go through these “scenarios” to steal these things from certain people, i.e. Jon has the map, Paul has the knife, George has the bagel, and Ringo has the keys to Shining Time Station, and so on. Alright, so. . .the bad guy with the mustache finds out the girls are trying to do this and ends up shooting two or three of them and then. . .I don’t even fucking know, Baby Doll sacrifices herself for one of her friends so she can escape or whatever.

Right as Baby Doll sacrifices herself, we switch out of the fantastical brothel and back into the 1960’s boring mental institution. So. . Baby Doll gets lobotomized and yea. . .The ending scene is of the friend Baby Doll saved getting on a bus to somewhere and it drives off in the distance. Alright. . .

So. . .what’s there to say about “Sucker Punch”. . .? Well, it’s stupid. I’m not sure if I understood the story right, but as I understand it, we have an institutionalized girl who’s about to be lobotomized. In her mind, she has this imaginary brothel and these imaginary friends, who, when trying steal something, enter into yet another imaginary world.

Now. . .this is fine, I guess, but if this whole brothel world is imaginary, and Baby Doll’s friends imaginary as well, then why they fuck would I care about them or whether they complete their tasks? If all these characters are in Baby Doll’s mind and their escape is too, then what are the fucking stakes? If I made a movie about my daydreams, and in one of them Eva Green and I are about to be killed by a beast, would you really care? Because what’s the danger if it’s just a dream? No matter what happens to me and Eva, the REAL me is still waiting in line at the DMV, spacing out in L.A. traffic, or jerking it to Finntroll’s Nifelvind album (wait, what?) I guess what I am trying to say here is that with imaginary characters, none of the shit that happens is important. Alright, cool, they get fire and a knife, but some die. . .Baby Doll is still just sitting in her cell in the 60s, not doing anything. How dumb!

But the dumb part about this is in the end, one of Baby Doll’s friends escapes the asylum. But are her friends really in the asylum or just in the brothel fantasy? So, did she get away in real life or just in Baby Doll’s brain? I’m so confused! (Maybe I wasn’t paying attention, I don’t know). It makes no sense.

Another thing that’s stupid is just the reasoning behind going into these little missions to getting the things they need. So, they need a map from the guy with the mustache’s room, so that translates to them having to get a map from some zombie/orc/Nazi guys in the trenches of World War I or II. . .but why? Why is that?

When they go to get the fire, they have to infiltrate an Orc- ridden castle in order cut a baby dragon’s throat open and retrieve the crystals from inside. While this is a pretty cool scene (pretty much the only scene I like from the movie), what does a castle and Orcs have to do with retrieving fire? And thirdly, what does having to get a knife have to do with a train and diffusing a bomb? I don’t get it!

I believe it was the before-insane George Lucas who said that action scenes are only effective if we care about the people in them. When Indiana Jones is about to get his head squashed, we give a shit because we LIKE Indy. Not only do we not care for girls of “Sucker Punch”, but the action scenes are ridiculously out of context. Not to mention that their self-contained-ness only makes them more of a difference from the rest of the movie and each other. I mean. . .what’s the fucking point? They’re just random.

I know there’re probably a lot of people out there on IMDb saying “Its like Zack Snyder onl y wanted to mak these acshun seens and so he rote a movie jus to do em“, but I have to say I agree. I honestly don’t see these action scenes as anything but old ideas pulled from the huge 3×5 card idea pile, also known as the “I’ve always wanted to do” pile. I’ve always wanted to do a fight with big Samurai, I’ve always wanted to do a Zombie-Nazi type thing, I’ve always wanted to do a scene with a dragon and castle, I’ve always wanted to do an idea with a train. So what does Mr. Snyder do? He creates a plot centered around the fact that “anything goes” and everything can be disconnected from things that came before it. That way, random scenes make sense, right? Well, My. Synder, I like to write to, and I have an idea to have a Viking kill demons in the forest and I have the idea for someone to make a joke about watching “Return of the Jedi” with the sound off, but I’m not going to go and put them in same movie.

And if you wanted to include all these scenes, a Samurai battle, a trench fight, a castle battle, and a train bomb defusing, then why didn’t you just make it so that all these scenes can fit into some crazy world where all that stuff is normal? How about Baby Doll and her buddies have to get all these ingredients to a secret elixir that can, I dunno, do something important, and they go around and gather all the shit? I mean, why even have the 1960s shit? Oh well, whatever, I’m unemployed and he’s just released his fourth feature, so what do I know?

Oh, I totally forgot he directed that Owl movie. . .well I didn’t see that shit.

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Anyway, moving on. . .may I note that I found the slow-motion so FUCKING ANNOYING. I mean, it works sometimes, but JESUS, every time ANYTHING happens, it’s in slow-mo. Good gracious. . .sparingly, bro, sparingly. And speaking of annoying shit, what was with all the music? What was with that slow version of the Eurythmic’s “Sweet Dreams”. It was worse that Marilyn Manson’s cover. (And speaking of Marilyn Manson covers, they suck too. All he does is turn down the tempo and then sing it in a creepy voice. RRR!!)

Alright, one last thing before I finish this shit and bust out the two-buck-chuck in the fridge. (Can I walk to fridge, or will I have to kill a ravenous Snorlax on the Eiffel Tower to get my wine?) The ending line was fuckin’ cheesy as hell. So, Baby Doll’s friend (the one who gets away at the end) has been narrating the movie the whole time, and she has this to say as the bus rides away in the sunset:

Who honors those we love for the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us. And at the same time, things that will never die. Who teaches us whats real, and how to laugh at lies. Who decides why we live, and what we’ll die to defend. Who trains us, and who holds the key to set us free. (cut to black) It’s you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight! (credits begin)

That’s so fucking dumb! First off, that doesn’t even make sense. What the hell is she talking about? And since when did this movie become about ME fighting or doing anything? I’m not related to this story at all. And what weapons is she talking about? And what am I fighting against! I don’t get it! And as for cheesy inspirations for fighting, I’ll stick to Turisas, thank you very much.

Oh well, I think that about wraps this shit up. As I always do with these long ones, I set out to write a short one, but then it explodes and consumes my whole evening. At least it’s a Tuesday night and not a Friday night. . .Anyway, in short, “Sucker Punch” was disappointing and made no sense. So, what does this mean for me and Zack? Is he still one of my favorite directors? Were perhaps “Dawn of the Dead” and “300” the only movies of his I will enjoy? Considering that his next movie is the new Superman reboot, I’m going to say yes. I mean, why Superman? Superman’s stupid. Batman is way cooler.

Alright, so. . .watch “Sucker Punch” or not if you want. Leave comments down below, I love positive and negative ones, so write away. God knows I already have.

I just found out Zack Snyder lives in Pasadena, which is really close to me. Let’s meet up Zack and talk about “Sucker Punch”, I want some things explained, please?

Oh well fuck it whatever, back to writing my Scriptfrenzy script. I hope my story at least makes sense.

Sketches

February 17, 2011February 28, 2014 C.P.Leave a comment

Black and white sketches. Some of these appeared in CSU Monterey Bay’s “Starving Artist Quarterly”. Click HERE to see my digital illustrations.

Grape-Flavored Waterslides: Season One

May 27, 2010December 1, 2013 C.P.Leave a comment

Grape Flavored Waterslides: Season One is the first season of the comedic webseries created by Cat cat Productions. The season ran on YouTube from February 24, 2010 to May 13, 2010. The last episode of the season premiered at TAPS, CSU Monterey Bay’s “Teledramatic Arts Presentation Showcase”, in front of a large audience. It was the only episode to be screened publicly.

Episodes and Premiere Dates

1.01 “The first episode, or is it?” Feb 24, 2010
1.02 “A Brush with the Neighbor” Mar 3, 2010
1.03 “The Price of Eggs in England” Mar 10, 2010
1.04 “You’re not wearing glas” Mar. 17, 2010
1.05 “A Serious Episode” Apr 1, 2010
1.06 “Volume Control” Apr 7, 2010
1.07 “The Good, the Bad, and the Douchey” May 13, 2010

Watch now!