***Originally posted on my old blog on October 25, 2009***

While at a thrift store one Saturday with a friend of mine, I perused the book section to see what they had in stock. I was somewhat surprised to find that they had no interesting books, since there is usually a gem or two in the unorganized shelving and random piling. Unfortunately I found no gems, but picked up two cheap-ass books. One was a “Norwegian in ten minutes a day” which is totally fucking hard as shit, and the other is a 1979 fantasy book that is nearly falling apart called “Dragonworld.”

I don’t know if I hate all fantasy, or just old fantasy (a time when everyone ripped off Tolkien and pretended like no one would notice). Normally I wouldn’t have picked up and old, yellow-paged fantasy book, but this one had pictures! I know you’re probably rolling your eyes and thinking in a dumb cave-man voice “Wow, he only got it because it had pictures,” but I like fucking pictures in fantasy books so fuck you.

Well, I went out on a limb and paid the twenty-four cents (yes, I got this book for less than a quarter) and bought it. I began to read it in the following days, and within a week, I found myself walking to school, flipping through the pages to find the next picture. This book isn’t boring, per se, but, wait, what the fuck am I saying? It is completely boring.

The story starts off with some dumbass kid flying around on some wing contraption. When the kid sees a dragon and gets killed by it (or just crashes and burns and dies), his father Jondalrun (this ugly-ass old dude) is fucking pissed. He blames Amsel, this Da-Vinci-like maker of irrelevant tools and other knick-knackery for his son’s death, for it was Amsel’s flying machine that the fucking kid stole. A Council of Elders is called to talk about the mysterious death, because Jondalrun also accuses the Simbalese (the mysterious folk to the East) of killing his son. He’s kind of a crazy bastard, but whatever. Judging from the rest of the pictures, Amsel flees and ends up in Simbala, meeting a princess and a hero and a whatever the fuck and going on adventures with dragons and all that shit.

The story seems alright enough, except for the fact that I don’t give a fuck at all about who dies or not, but it’s the description that really bogs down the story. Like with many fantasy books, this one tries to build the world within the damn book. Instead of having us learn about how the Council of Elders works during the scene itself, they give us a fucking history lesson about how it was founded, where it first took place, and all this other bullshit that is absolutely not important. Seriously. . .I DON’T NEED ALL THIS FUCKING DESCRIPTION! I don’t give a shit about what this town looks like, because I’m pretty damn sure it looks just like a medieval town. If there’s a fucking skyscraper in the town, tell me, but otherwise, just STFU.

So, in conclusion, this book is lame. It has a sequel, but it can only be read on old-ass computers. Apparently the sequel is a “choose your own adventure” type book that you read on your computer. It has “over 60 magnificent microcomputer graphics,” and will be released in the summer of 1984. . . jesus this book is old.

Although I only paid 24 cents for it. . .I still feel a little ripped off. . . I mean. . .I paid 24 CENTS for it. . . fuck. . .it kinda smells funny too. . .